Friday, June 24, 2005

much better

confessing my gastronomic sins yesterday gave me a new hope.

After confession I was off to work, where I only drunk water and a diet coke. And I finally had my healthy grilled lamb, with grilled vegetables and garlic yoghurt (cacik), and resisted the temptation to take a baklava from the cool room to ease my sugar craving. Later that night a man came in and got the grilled lamb take away (just the lamb) and he told me about his adventures on weight watchers and how he was about to have a 16pt chinese meal and decided to come in for some lamb instead... this man is somewhat a regular customer, but I was still kinda taken back by his willingness to talk openly to an almost-stranger about his weight-loss campaign. I've yet to tell my ever supportive boyfriend about my new plan, let alone an almost-stranger. Perhaps if I openly admitted to my chef boy that I want to lose my ass, he would be more inclined to make me grilled lamb, instead of pizza : )

There is something holding me back from telling him. I feel if I tell him, then fail, I'll forever have that hanging over my head, so next time when I gather up the courage to try again, he will be thinking 'here she goes again...' (much like my attitude towards his regular sunday night announcement 'I'm going to quit smoking tomorrow' sure you are baby, sure you are) This has always been the case when I've attempted to lose weight. I'll only tell people if they notice the kilos are going, or if I've developed a strong routine where I'm not going to 'fail' soon after I've announced the 'big news'.

Todays eating has been good, calorie wise, but not great nutritionally. I had to work the day shift (and I'll be working tonight too) so of course, I slept in until 20 minutes before I had to start - enough time to shower and throw my clothes on before racing out the door without breakfast. Luckily I have a stash of corn thins at work which I had for brekkie. And for lunch I had a chicken and salad wrap with hummus. Which all sounds okay, but no dairy or fruit! And my water consumption is way down!

And is it okay not to do any planned exercise considering I'll be working over 10 hours, running around after customers? I swear I'm getting in over 10, 000 steps (I couldnt find my pedometer.. I think I threw it out when we moved from our two bedroom apartment into the studio, I was ruthless in making sure we didnt cart boxes of useless shit into our tiny home)

I'm going to stop writing now.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

I failed.. failed miserably

I can only laugh at how badly I failed at my attempts to be healthy yesterday!

Let's review my shitness...

- Eat 2 fruit
This I did! 1 banana and 2 little mandarins.. the mandarins were delicious! my favourite winter fruit after blood oranges

- Eat 5 vegetables
This I did too : ) tomato for breakfast, beans, corn, grilled zuchini, grilled eggplant for lunch and some more tomato for dinner

- Eat a small tub of natural yoghurt
This one was easy. Half a tub mixed with garlic on my lunch (the grilled vegies with rice) then the rest of the tub as a snack with my banana and some honey

- Avoid processed foods and sugar
nope! had a chocolate brownie with a coffee whilst catching up with a friend.. which is odd, the two of us never eat sweet things together.

- Drink 1.5 - 2 ltrs of water
close.. drank about 1.2 ltrs. better than nothing I say

- Dont drink coca-cola, a 600ml diet coke is allowed
I drank coke, at work. 250ml bottle. The worst part is, that I picked up a diet coke, replaced it, and searched for a full strength! ugh! why? why did I do this?

- 30mins of cardio (walking and skipping)
nope. see 'avoid processed food and sugar' to why I didnt work out. (however, it was really busy at work, and I was the only floor staff on, so I'm sure I would have got almost 10,000 steps in at work.. maybe I should wear a pedometer to work tonight and see the results.. its a shitty 'special-k' pedometer, but it will give some indication)

- Work out what I'm going to eat for dinner tonight at work before I get too hungry
now this is where I'm really annoyed at myself. I had an option! but when I told chef boy that I wanted grilled lamb he um-ed and ah-ed and told me that the lamb was annoying to make and suggested we share a pizza. I said yes! I should have put my foot down and made him cook the lamb, or atleast come up with something better than pizza. It was really oily pizza too.

As a results of yesterdays half-assed attempt at changing my ways, today has been even worse. I'm not even going to bother reviewing it but lets just say it involved butter, 2 chocolate bars and nachos. Apparently I'm 'dieting' - ha!

But I am going to have grilled lamb!

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

one day at a time..

I have been inspired by Sydney over at Living Less Juicy to start a plan to follow for a set amount of time that is acheivable and will set up some healthy habits.

But because my schedule (work etc) is all of the place at the moment, I will need some time to figure out a plan that will actually work.

In the meantime, I have some goals for today:

- Eat 2 fruit
- Eat 5 vegetables
- Eat a small tub of natural yoghurt
- Avoid processed foods and sugar
- Drink 1.5 - 2 ltrs of water
- Dont drink coca-cola, a 600ml diet coke is allowed
- 30mins of cardio (walking and skipping)
- Work out what I'm going to eat for dinner tonight at work before I get too hungry and eat whatever 'chef boy' gives to me. (option: grilled lamb, rice, salad and yogurt.... but I will speak to chef boy about this and see what he can do for me)

I can do that.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

yoga devotee

I forgot just how good yoga can be... oh I feel good, and I feel better for actually going!

The local yoga centre offers a 'by donation' class which is perfect considering my current funds. Its a shorter class than the full price ones, but thats fine by me for now. Its amazing how clear my lungs feel (considering I'm a smoker) and how loose my neck is, although my back still feels a little tight. A few more classes and I should start to feel great.

I was the fattest person in the class and was feeling okay about this, until I had to get on all fours and arch my back, resulting in my fat ass being thrust high and proudly into the air. I cringed for the girl positioned behind me. I'm now curious to see exactly what the poor girl was subjected to.. perhaps some mirrors will be set up later tonight...

I am being a tiny bit naughty with dinner - chicken enchilada, home delivered. I'm justifying it with the fact that the chicken is grilled, they dont use much cheese and it comes with lots of salad and beans. and plenty of jalapenos (which I'm sure are fine for the hips).

I'm starving... these 45 minutes are going to feel like forever!

so I realised something...

I'm fat. A big chubba of a girl. Today marks the decision to finally do something about it.

A few years back I weighed 82kgs and lost around 8kgs following an old weight watchers points book of my mothers. But before I came close to any sort of goal weight I gained it all back, and then some, taking my weight to an all time high of 86kgs. Over the last 1 and a bit years I gradually lost weight and have been sitting around 80 - 82kgs. Over the past 3 weeks I have been helping my boss relaunch his restaurant after some major renovations.. this has had me working 14 hour days, 7 days a week, I've been exhausted, but on the upside, I dropped 3 kilos without even thinking about it, even whilst eating whatever food I could get my hands on - pizza, creamy pastas, mango chicken. This little drop in weight has triggered something inside of me to step it up and actually try to lose some weight.

I'm not following a 'diet', no weight watchers, atkins, slim fast. I want to be healthy, I want to eat my 5 servings of vegies, my 2 servings of fruit. I want to eat good whole foods and make exercise a part of my life. I want radiant skin, shiny hair, lots of energy and vitality that can only be achieved through a diet rich in nutrients and an active lifestyle. (I have superficial reasons for this journey too - I dont want to be a size 16 bridesmaid at my sisters wedding in feb 06 - especially when all the other bridesmaids barely push a size 10. This is a big motivator right now)

Today I weighed myself at 78kgs (maybe 79, who knows, my scale isnt exactly accurate.. but thats okay, I'm not concerned with tiny losses, more about the overall picture)

And this afternoon I have made time for a yoga class - the first baby step into exercise after a long time.

ugh, there is so much I want to write.. but I dont even know where to begin. I'm just gonna take it one day at a time (and forget the fact that after having a wonderful breakfast of an open omlette with organic fetta and loads of vegies, that I ate a kinder bueno.. oh why oh why do those weird little chocolate have to be so yummy!)

invisible