Monday, November 21, 2005

Im going to be a fat bride, and I'm okay with that

What is with people thinking that just because a girl is getting married, it gives them a right to comment on their weight? Why is a day where a man and woman proclaim their love and commitment to each other, somehow connected with the size of the brides ass? My husband-to-be is fully aware I am fat, he loves me with my fat (not in a fat fetish kind of way, he would love me without the fat too) He doesnt expect me to be skinny on our wedding day, so why the hell does everyone else?

The latest comments have come from a guy around my age who 'waits' with me on the weekends, lets call him Monobrow. I'm cutting a long annoying story short, but Monobrow basically told me I was too fat and I needed to lose weight because I was going to Turkey (wedding 2 is in Turkey). I retaliated with some harsh words about how telling me to lose weight is like me telling him to fix his weedy arms, Fabio-esque hair and that one hell of a mono! He also poked my belly. I punched him. And have only spoken 'business' to him since. This was all because I dipped a one inch square of Turkish bread into some mashed potato.. mind you, he was eating a whole bowl of mashed potato - but according to him, he is allowed to, I'm not. I'm still so angry at Monobrow! I know he is a tosser and have known this from the first time I worked with him, but the world is full of tossers thinking the exact same thing. I wanted to tell him that I go to the gym and have lost 8 kilos but I think its ridiculous for me to have to explain this to him, to justify myself, to let him think his comments were somehow valid because I AM trying to lose weight. My fat is of no concern to him.

The weekend went well, I was really active all weekend but didnt go to the gym, naughty naughty! My eating was great on Saturday, although I think Mono's comments of Saturday night really screwed with my eating on Sunday. I've got my gym bag with me and so far I've had a really healthy day!

and yeah.. the scale still hadnt budged this morning! One more week of that, and I'm counting kjs!

Friday, November 18, 2005

ramble

ahh crap sticks! I changed my gym workouts around a bit - just pushed them back from the night time, to the next morning, so I was meant to work out this morning, but did I? NO! Nope. The boy was already awake and trying to coax me out of bed. I wasnt budging. It was a bad plan, going to the gym at 6, then going to work until 5:30 then starting my other job at 6 pm and finishing work at 11pm. I ended up going back to sleep and waking up late anyways because my phone (i use my mobile as my alarm) was set on vibrate. And I think I may have left the iron on.

So I have to go tomorrow morning. I need to get my 3 workouts this week! Thats the rules. Especially since I ate deep fried cheese yesterday. Dont ask.

I wish I had kept my old food journals. Back in the day, when I lost weight following weight watchers, i ate so much crap! I remember small sections of the journal.. cocktail frankfurter, white bread and tomato sauce. I think that was a 4 pt snack. Chat potato microwaved with cottage cheese. White bread toast with ham and tomato sauce. 99% fat free 2 minute noodles. Those 'just add milk and water' 97% fat free pasta packets. I cant remember eating fruit. And I was obviously never too concerned about nutrition. I look at my food diary for this week so far, and its actually pretty good. There is fruit, low fat dairy, lean proteins, slow release carbs, and plenty of veggies. Sure, there is the occasional little chocolate or deep fried cheese ball, and I dont deny that I sometimes eat white bread, or just add milk and water to my pasta, but I've come a long way baby.. Sorry.. I've been talking about nutrition and food a lot lately, but its just finally all clicked into place. And I like that.

Thinking about those old food diaries has made me realise that 73 or 74 kilos is the lowest I've ever gotten to when trying to lose weight! This is interesting, very interesting. 74 really is my evil number! If this 74 could be materialised, I'd beat the crap out of it. (Technically it already is materalised as the fat on my ass and I should just beat the crap out of that by exercising.. but I like to imagine a foam puppet in the shape of 74.. like something on sesame street and I'm literally throwing punches at it.)

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend, I wont be around because of my broken home computer.. but I'll be back on monday with my weigh in and exercise up dates - one work out and one 'activity' to do over the weekend. easy peasy, right?

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

i got naked

guess who went to the gym before work this morning because they missed yesterdays work out? thats right kiddies! I actually dragged myself out of bed at 5:30 am, got my crap together and walked to the gym. I was there by 6:15 and I was shocked, shocked by the amount of people there. I thought I would almost have the place to myself, that was one of the main ideas behind the early gym visit! I ended up run/walking 20 mins (in which I ran for 7 mins non stop! thats the longest I've ever done!) then on the bike and a bit of weights to finish off. I feel really good knowing my work out is done for the day. But I would really like a little nap : )

On the downside - I've been up for 3 hours and I only just ate! There was no food in the house and nothing was open on the way to the gym. So I just ate TWO cheese and tomato toasted sandwiches (brown bread, no butter and the stingiest slice of cheese I have ever seen - it could have been worse!) Whats the saying? Breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a pauper?

I had a shower at the gym. I got naked. I never get naked in open change rooms. My towel was always strategically placed, but I was pretty damn naked : ) Strangely enough, for my birthday recently, my friends bought me a voucher to a day spa in Kings Cross where you have to be naked.. all the time. And the voucher includes a massage near the pool.. I get to be massaged, naked, in front of all the other naked people. Dont get me wrong, I'm not a prude, I'm quite open about a lot of things, but I'm freaking out! I dont even know if I were skinny, would I want to do this? Perhaps it will be liberating.. perhaps I'll have to get a bikini wax! I have a year to use the voucher.. perhaps its a goal reward? (Although I think its probably counteractive to make your reward something you are shit scared of... not very motivating!)

And thanks for the comments girly girls! They made my morning : )

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

in the zone baby

So much for the tonne of posting I promised last week! For some reason my home internet is not working, and the kind folks at my isp cant seem to help me because I have a mac. ugh! I started a million posts last week, but work has been super busy and gobbled up all my time.

Last week, I put in maybe a 60% effort - meaning I was a good girl just over half the time. Of course, that wasnt enough to break 74 kgs. But its because I didnt exercise, and I know this. I know I cant lose a decent amount of weight just by watching what I eat. And its so much harder to watch what you eat when you are being a lazy slob anyways. Going to the gym encourages a healthier lifestyle that flows through to my food. I dont eat all that badly (80% of the time, the other 20% of the time I am eating chocolate) I try to ensure its fresh and healthy, with the least amount of processing as possible.. but when I exercise, eating healthily becomes so much easier.

I'm back using my food diary. I'm not counting kjs. I know approx how much I should eat each day. If I'm not losing weight, I will review this decision, but I'm pretty sure I will be fine. As long as I exercise!

This week I've locked in Monday (done!), Tuesday and Thursday for the gym. Just 30 - 45 min workouts. And I've also promised to walk home from the city on wednesday (which is an easy, but pretty long walk that I do once or twice a week anyways) and do something active on the weekend. Something with The Boy - maybe go to the beach, or the pool, go for a walk, just something active.

Remember a few weeks ago when I mentioned the girl at work telling me I had to get fit for my wedding.. well I just had a talk to her about the gym etc and told her how I had already lost 8kg - I feel so much better knowing that I have set her straight! ha! Her boyfriend is a body builder and has got her on some low carb, high fish diet. Porridge for breakfast, tuna salad for lunch, fish and vegies for dinner. Each of these meals alone is quite tasty.. but come on, day in, day out? I would go nuts and order me some pizza. But each to their own.. as long as she doesnt start criticising my lunches! (today its a turkish 'stir fry' - thats the best way to explain it.. lamb, sauted with a whole load of vegies - onion, capsicum, mushroom, tomato, and zucchini with fresh oregano and a little bit of brown rice. It sounds plain, but its a great combo)

I'm pumped.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

break 74 - day two

Dont you love it when you get to work and there is no milk? Its especially annoying when you actually purchased the milk out of your own pocket and now its all gone gone gone. So no cereal this morning! Luckily I had a stash of packet soup and corn thins. I hate to eat packet soup.. you know the 'just add water' variety. Food should not come in the form of powder, mixed with salt and msg. My boyfriends mum, who lives in a tiny village in Turkey, makes her own powdered soup to last through the year when the crops are bad. I'm not quite sure how it works, but I think she makes the soup for real, then dries it out in the sun on sheets of cotton until it dehydrates and she is just left with powder. This powder I could eat. Its totally natural ingredients dried in a totally natural way... I dont think Continental Cup a Soup use quite the same technique...

My eating was pretty good yesterday..

b - cereal and lite milk
s - apple
l - lean cuisine (kinda have the same feelings about lean cuisine as I do with the powder soup.. but I wanted something hot for lunch!)
s - ww cottage cheese, corn thin
d - white bean salad (so good! butter beans, tomato, celery, chives, basil, olive oil and lemon) and a steak
s - low fat rice pudding

I didnt work out yesterday (intentionally.. monday is the only week night the boy and I get to spend together...) but there will be a work out tonight and I will have a nutritionally balanced day. Thats right!

Monday, November 07, 2005

Break 74

I weighed myself this morning - 74kg. Ugh, I still keep bouncing around that number. Whenever I weigh myself its somewhere between 73 - 75kg. This week, its my plan to break that and start bouncing around the 73kg mark!

I went to the gym yesterday.. for the first time in a month.. ha! The Boy and I were on a tight schedule, so we only stayed for about 35 mins, but I managed to run/walk for 10 mins, ride the bike for 10 mins and spent the rest of the time doing weights with The Boy. It was great doing weights with him! He used to have a personal trainer so he was there correcting my form, increasing my weight load and telling me to drop and give him 5 push ups between sets. That bastard : ) But we had fun, and my arms are pleasantly sore today. He needs to become a member though.. $18 casual visits are just ridiculous!

I really want to exercise in the mornings, before work. If I get up at 6 am, this can totally be done. If I'm up at 6 am, I can be at the gym by 6:30 - working out until 7:30 then shower, change etc and be on the bus by 8 am. My problem, however, is red face! Does anyone have any tricks for getting rid of red face quickly? I know how I can avoid it, but that kinda defeats the purpose of being at the gym : )

There will be lots of posting this week, as I tackle 'break 74' week : )

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

this blog is my personal confessional!

Forgive me father, for I have indulged in food, drink and gambling...

Yesterday was Melbourne Cup day, and I won me some sweet sweet money!

I also won me some fat belly : ) I am still bloated from yesterday. We had a bbq at work. Want to hear what I ate?

breakfast - cheese and tomato toasted sandwich
lunch - 3 beef sausages (I went a little crazy, because normally there are only pork sausages! I stocked up) 1 lamb cutlet, 1 flat bread, yogurt dip, potato salad, roasted vegies and a glass of coke
dinner - left over 97% fat free (100% sugar filled) chocolate pudding. Left over roast lamb on a sandwich. (in that order)
snack (because I really needed one.. eesh!) - Jam sandwich with butter.

I wasnt even drunk!

I cant blame the bbq though.. I actually ate alright, maybe 2 sausages too many, but eveything else was in small portions and I didnt go back for seconds, thirds, fourths, like the others. I'm mostly concerned about the dinner and snack. What was I thinking? I know I finished work really late and got home about 8:30pm (and was totally unprepared to be staying back, they dropped a crap load of work on me just as I was about to leave at 5:30 - bastards!) but ugh. oh well! Today is another day.

3 excuses for not going to the gym so far this week
monday - bought gym clothes to work, forgot I had 6:30 appointment with celebrant. no work out.
tuesday - bought gym clothes to work, had to stay back late. no work out
wednesday - didnt bring gym clothes to work, because I was meeting friends after work. It got cancelled about 10 mins ago. ugh! I am going to have to be good and strong, go home, get my gear and go straight away.

This post is totally boring, sorry kids : )

invisible